Oh how the plans can change!
Joy and Chris, firm in their commitment to each other and resolved to start a family together, gathered their resources and chose to aim for an unmedicated delivery of their first child. Chris’ family had a long tradition of C-section deliveries, and Joy’s heritage delivered babies speedily and often in the home. As they prepared and visualized their experience they focused on the positive and swift experiences of Joy’s kin, they educated themselves in childbirth classes and hired Holly, a doula and former college classmate of Joy’s to aid them in their journey. This is the story of Fisher Griffin DeClerk’s birthday.
Joy had a delightfully uneventful pregnancy. She fueled her body with what it needed and gave it the attention it deserved. Other than the expected aches and pains she had a not-so-short bout with a stomach virus that had her cautiously staying close to home. As her belly grew so did their anticipation and excitement about how their birth would unfold. In late January, an ultrasound revealed that Fisher had moved into a breech position. Frustrated with the ‘turn’ of events, Joy and Chris incorporated swimming and frequent pelvic tilts into their days to encourage their son to move around. Addressing the possibility that he might not, but refusing to dwell on the issue and wallow in the stress of what that would mean, they did what they do best; they remained calm, focused, and relaxed.
On February 10th, checking in with their doula, Holly, Joy reported some contractions the day before, that she thought Fisher had moved to head down and that she may have lost her mucous plug- all quite encouraging signs. Reminding Joy to call her when anything was different, even if it was 3 in the morning; their doula encouraged her to continue resting and conserving her energy- labor was probably not too far in her future even though the doctor estimated her to be only at 36 weeks. The power of suggestion proved to be strong; Joy called Holly at 3:08 that next morning thinking that her water had broken while up for a bathroom break. The doula suggested that Joy try to continue to rest as she was not having any contractions yet and to call her back if she felt any more fluid and Holly would come to check things out.
A short 45 minutes later, Joy had had 7 contractions in that time and the fluid continued to drain, Holly was on her way and arrived at 4:10 to assess things. Joy had just had a shower and was trying to eat a few grapes for energy, but her contractions had increased greatly in frequency and intensity. Joy was handling the surges with expert calm and focus as she leaned over the kitchen’s island and rested her arms on the back of the couch. Eager to assess things and suspecting that they were moving as fast as the laboring women in Joy’s history, Holly ushered Joy to the couch. From feeling on her belly, it seemed that Fisher was still head up. Joy’s 6 cm cervix would have been a great sign, but in the opening there were two butt cheeks, not a hard low head.
Understandably disappointed and trying to allow for the time needed to absorb the implications of these events, Joy and Chris quickly packed their bag and printed their birth plan as Holly tried to prepare them for the large transition ahead. She walked them through what would happen once they got to the hospital, how it would be a great deal different than what they had been visualizing, and how things would be moving very fast. Characteristically calm, but clearly comprehending the intensity of the situation, Joy and Chris followed Holly to Baptist Hospital a short ride away. Joy processed what was happening well as she calmly walked through the sky-bridge into Labor and Delivery. The team was ushered into the C-Section suite and the predicted whirl-wind of activity commenced. As nurses questioned, consented, started and IV, drew blood and outlined the plan, Joy continued to contract even more strongly. Her body had not changed its plan and was prepared to deliver its hatchling in the usual way. Joy in the midst of it all was trying hard to focus and remain peaceful, but despite all her focused efforts allowed herself a much needed moment of grief at the loss of the birth scene she had envisioned. Healthy and normal, she engaged in this disappointment and moved to a place of somewhat anxious resolve- she recentered herself in the reality of her situation and moved on.
Joy was feeling increasing pressure, and Holly suggested that someone check her cervix- at 5:10 she had made it to 9.5 cm and Fisher was very low. Nikki the nurse confirmed that he was indeed a boy, she could feel his outdoor plumbing quite well. Feeling the urgency of the situation and hoping that Joy would not have to be put to sleep for her delivery, Holly asked Mike the nurse anesthetist if he would try to place an epidural as Joy lay down, to help decrease the intensity of her sensations, he said he would try. Just then Dr. Singleton appeared- he was on call for Dr. Garner and after a quick and sincere ‘I Love You’ from Chris, the nurses whisked Joy to the nearby OR.
The commotion had ended, there was an unusual silence, Chris was without his wife. It was strange, it was abrupt, it was unsettling. In these moments of dis-ease Chris did his mourning. He was concerned, scared, unsure, shocked. Holly tried to give him the peace he needed and the reassurance he wanted, letting him nervously pace the hall and alternately going over what was happening on the other side of the doors where his wife seemed so far away.
It felt like an eternity, but it was only 10 minutes when the doors opened and Jo the nurse escorted Chris and Holly to Joy’s side. She lay on the table, draped in blue as Chris sat beside her, relieved to once again lay eyes on her. Dr Singleton began the surgery, Joy’s epidural working perfectly she waited patiently, holding her husband’s eager hand as they waited to hear the voice of their son. Out he came- cheeks first, head to follow a short time later. Fisher Griffin arrived at 5:33 the beautiful cold morning of February 11th, 2008. He hollered out to announce his presence with vigor, Joy and Chris cried- the brief roller coaster ride had come to its end and their reward was brought from across the room in Daddy’s arms. The new parents gazed with adoration into the face of their perfect little man.
Joy and Chris, bonded so tightly in spirit, respect, and commitment created a child of their love. They planned and educated themselves in preparation for a calm and safe arrival of their son. They focused only on those things over which they had control and turned the rest over to the cosmos. The peace that they embody served them well through their rapidly moving and unexpected delivery. They continue to this day in the spirit of this well educated tranquility in their lives as parents.
I am honored to have been invited to share in the birth of precious little Fisher. – Holly Best Parker